are you still at the devil's house?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
