youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
