Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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