Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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