Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
