she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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