and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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