maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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