This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
