pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i out mim tonsoeep
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
