Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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