Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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