I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
