do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we made out on top of his cat.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
