Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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