I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
