oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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