worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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