I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
