Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come share oat with me in your robe
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
