WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
