I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
