i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
