the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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