i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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