Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
