I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
