All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the condom got lost in my hair
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
