week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
