she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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