just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
