She is in my trunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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