You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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