It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
