I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize