can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
