I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize