Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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