we're blogging at a bar
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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