Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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