when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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