I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
