I wanna passion pit in your ass
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
