Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
