You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
