So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
