I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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