even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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