He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize