Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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