It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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