um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
