DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
