I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize