O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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