3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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