did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
