i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
