Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
