The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
