my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
