Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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