We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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