she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
