she woke up with a sticky ear
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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