Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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