I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize