we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
