the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
being pregnant is like rehab
Found the puke drawer
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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