I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
