Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
