I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
