why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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