What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
