i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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