I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need moral support for this bender
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
