Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
