I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
