You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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