and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
