Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
