just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
