Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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