Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize