On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
