i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Every concussion has its silver lining
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
