We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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