now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
