I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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