Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
