Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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