Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
