Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
