meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize