Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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