I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
