last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
