I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
