why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize